What advise should I give my BFF who's having serious marriage trouble?Abuse,control,children…

Well, running away is not going to help....and making sure the kids are not involved in any arguing is a priority. They need to know its not their fault. Its very hard situation, but it can be fixed. Its sounds to me like your "friend" has some serious problems of her own. Cutting? Things like that are not something children should EVER be exposed to. That concerns me more. Its also human nature to have a closer bond with a biological child than a step child. That will always be an issue that will never change. They may love the child unconditionally but that doesn't change the fact that it is not his. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. The older child should have more responsibilities because the child is older...the younger one should also have some...but that is nonsense. It sounds like the mother is favoring the older child as well. I would tell your friend if she can work it out then she should stay and work it out. There is a difference between over discipline and abuse. Abuse is a strong word and can affect many aspects of a parent/childs life. When someone uses that word and puts it all over the internet...or around town or family..then people never forget it. They all need counseling...together. Seperating at this point will only make the children think its all their fault...and that would be very damaging. Also, verbal , emotional or physical...its all the same. If she is trying to work on herself...well, thats great, but she needs to work on everyone. A man playing house is very hard for a man to do...if he is laid off it probably frustrates him that he is not supporting his family like he wants to. Maybe she should reinterate that they can change that. Also, their is a difference of being controlling and just plain paranoid if she cheated on him b4. Sounds like it got pretty nasty 3 years ago. Thats something some people take a long time to get over. You can't blame him for not trusting her. That is an issue that is all her fault. She cheated, so maybe she should think of that. He must have loved her an awful lot. you mentioned her keeping the kids? Does that mean he didn't get to see them? That must have been difficult. You need to tell your friend to remember that in no way is putting your hands on your children ok, but it sounds like she also needs help immediately. I read this and thought..ok, that guy needs some help, but the girl is in serious trouble if she is thinking of hurting herself. What if SHE hurts those children...cutting>....anger? Aggressive? THAT is ALARMING to say the least. Good luck. Get some Pyschiatric help immediately.