Im having suicidal thoughts and Im cutting myself how can I deal with this with out telling an adult?

Ive been having suicidal thoughts for about 3 years now and Ive been cutting for about 1 year I started cutting because that helped cope with the suicidal thoughts everytime I get a suicidal thought I head for my razor everytime I cut myself the cuts get deeper and I feel like the weight of the world has been taken off of my shoulders Ive tried to stop but its like a drug Im addicted to cutting I told my friend about my suicidal problem and how I use cutting to relieve the stress and she told me to tell an adult that I trust but I cant I dont trust any adult not even my own parents Im just so sick and tired of having these thoughts I dont know how long I can fight the urge to kill myself!!!! Is there any way I can deal with this myself with out an adults help AND FOR THE PPL WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT POSTING SUICIDE HOTLINE NUMBERS DONT EVEN BOTHER ANSWERING THIS QUESTION