I think i'm loosing my mind.?

I try saving myself from dieing because i am anorexic and fainted and was 4 pulse beats away from cardiac arrest, so i ate a little more. ever since I have been going crazy. our scale is wrong but even if i subtract like 3 pounds off i still think it's too much. I hate looking down i hate looking in the mirror. & I am always thinking how much my life freaking sucks. I keep gaining weight and then go insane. i cant help it. i start crying out of no where and do a million exercises.. ok well today i did 2,000 and 2 miles. the other day i did 3,000 and 50 stairs. but I still can't loose it. Can anyone help me?!